Closure

I always considered closure to be talking and coming to an understanding about what happened. You're never going to understand what happened. You're never going to understand why it happened. You just have to cope with the fact it happened. It's hard to talk to someone you're mad at. I learned that the hard way. My ex and I were fighting the whole time we were "talking." It was just constant bickering. We couldn't even be face to face because it would have caused so much hell in my life.

Today, I had to see Jeff one more time. I didn't get his approval to see him. I had my friend, Sara, take me to get something of mine from his house. I almost didn't see him, but he answered my friend, Sara's phone call instead of mine. I almost fell over looking into his eyes. It hurt knowing he was looking at me with disconnection instead of love. I wanted him to give me a kiss and tell me he loves me. Instead, he handed over my stuff, had a short conversation with me, and I walked off, aching, but dignity in tact.

I bawled. I lost it when I was in the car. For whatever reason, Jeff actually chose to text me after I left. We both agreed we were better off friends. I felt ok. For the first time, I felt like I could see him with another girl and I'd be ok. It didn't hurt to see him post anything. I feel... relieved.

I don't hate him. I hope he makes good choices for himself, and he gets the help he needs. One thing I will remember forever from this relationship: "You are not the mistakes you have made."

I made my mistakes with him, but that doesn't make me a bad person. It doesn't make Jeff a bad person. We both just need to learn and carry on.

Feeling a little stronger,
Sierra