Try Again.

Right now, I can say I feel numb. In the midst of all I've been going through, I've managed to break up with Jeff, yet again. No matter how hard I try, I'm never going to be good enough for someone that I love so much. It just seems like he is out to hurt me whenever we get back together. He has been nothing but selfish. He has been abusive and I've been blinded by the positive affection he gave me when we were alone. Whenever it came to his friends, he would be kind of abusive. I gave him everything... and that was so wrong of me.

My friends have been my support. They have been the best friends a girl could ask for. I've never seen Kiera cry, but she cried as she tried to tell me how wrong Jeff was for me. She was bawling telling me how much I was hurting. How much I suffered with him. She was truly hurt watching me stay with him. I didn't understand how much of a mistake he and I were until I saw her tears. She knew all along that I deserved better, but she was going to let me be happy. I was happy with him. He wasn't always perfect for me, but there were times where I just felt loved and that he was the best boyfriend.

Sam was silent with rage. She's trying to be the emotional support for my pregnancy situation that Jeff never was. She wants to be there for me with whatever decision I make. She doesn't understand the concept of love because she has never fallen in love. She does know the pain of a breakup, but she doesn't understand when you tell someone you love them and you break up. She doesn't understand my situation completely, but she's putting her opinions aside about it. She knows how I feel and she wants to see me smile again. She's doing anything to see me smile again.

Amanda is trying to hard not to murder anyone. Jeff was on her shit list from the beginning. She could trust him as far as she could throw him. She didn't say I told you so though when I told her we broke up because he was being a selfish asshole. She was supportive. When I read the conversation out loud, I got applause for how I handled it. They were surprised I could see what was wrong with our relationship. I could see how wrong he was and I stood up for myself. Jeff probably wasn't expecting me to tell him off, but I needed to. I'm suffering more than he is. I was done. 

Because of my friends, I think I want to get a tattoo for them. I know it sounds weird, but I love them. They are the best friends that I could ask for. They are my angels. My rocks. My support. My love. They are the best friends I could have ever met in college. They are the kind of people I want to be in my life forever. I hope they know that, because they really are the most important people in my life besides my family.

All because of you, I believe in angels,
Not the kind with wings, no, not the kind with halos
The kind that bring you home
when home becomes a strange place

I love them. Thank you guys for being in my life.

Trying to rebuild the pieces,
Sierra