"It's always darkest just before the dawn.One thing I've had to come to terms with is the fact that I will lose people I've encountered along the way. My first true loss was a friend that I had met in high school. He was considered to be a trouble maker in my school. After hearing what a reputation he had, I had my stereotypes for him. Once I met him, he turned out to be one of the sweetest, goofiest, and most lively person I ever met! I was no where near close friends with him, but he was someone that kept me company when I was forced to stay after school until I could get picked up by my dad or stepdad.
So stay awake with me, let's prove them wrong." -Rise Against, Make It Stop (September's Children)
I was in my dorm room when I was on Facebook, and I came across his profile. I thought it was a sick joke when someone posted that Erik had died. I have had friends post that someone died and it turned out to be a joke. My horrors became a reality when I found his Facebook profile, filled with information about his visitation and his funeral. Although I was not close to him, I was shaken to the core. I immedately started crying. It came so quickly. I lost all control I had for my emotions. My roommate and I aren't on speaking terms, so she just saw I was crying and looked perplexed. When I investigated further, I found out Erik had died 2 weeks before I had found out. I'm not sure what caused more pain for me: knowing I had lost a friend, or that it took me 2 weeks to find out that he had passed. When my best friend got out of class, we met up in the main part of campus to go sit and talk. As soon as she saw me, she embraced me and I lost it, again. It was so hard to cope with the idea that I couldn't say goodbye to him. I knew God was going to take care of him.
God works in mysterious ways.
Within 2 days, I was attempting to go to classes without crying. I was lacking in sleep. I was running late for my calculus lab when I was stopped outside the Engineering building. An older man was passing out pocket bibles. I didn't think about it. I accepted the offer, considering I didn't own a bible. I wanted one so I could read it. Sure enough, when I walked out of my lab, I checked my Facebook on my phone. It was then that I was starting to hate Facebook. A family friend posted a beautiful picture of a sunset. The caption mentioned a little girl, and apparently, she had passed around the same time that the woman had taken the picture. I was at a loss of words. I knew Kassie was diagnosed with leukemia a while back. She had battled for 2 years. I had seen her frequently around the neighborhood and within the schools. It never occurred to me that there was a possibility that her treatment would fail. She died surrounded by loved ones.
As much as I wanted to cry for her, I couldn't. I thought I had cried all I could for Erik, but I had to think about it. I sat in the cafeteria, staring at my phone and my newly acquired pocket bible. I called my mom and informed her that I knew about Kassie's passing. My mom was shocked to find out that it was the same little girl that we had known for years down the street. My mom also seemed to fascinated by the fact that I had gotten a pocket bible before I found out another person in my life had passed on. I didn't hesitate to associate it with God. Although I am not strictly religious, I have my faith in him. There is a higher power out there that is meant to protect us and love us. Sometimes, He needs to call us home to him. No matter the time or age, we must answer His call.
Why do I feel the need to talk about the loss of a loved one? It struck hard for me when a friend of mine posted that he was in shock on Facebook (which I'm starting to dislike.) I asked him if everything was alright and it was far from it. A friend of Sean's had committed suicide. Sean was distraught. I felt pure grief, although I didn't know the boy that had committed suicide. I knew the pain that Sean was feeling. In my heart, I know that we spend too much time obsessing with material posessions or wants that we could easily live without. We don't spend enough time thinking about others who are in our lives. We don't spend enough time drinking in the moments that mean the most to us.
As I write this, I'm thinking about how I grieved for so long. I felt pain for the loss of Erik and Kassie for one reason: They are no longer able to achieve their goals and dreams. Erik graduated high school. He had lived to an extent. Kassie was only a teenager. She had never even walked the halls of the high school. She had never had a true boyfriend and felt true love. She will never hold a child of her own or walk down the aisle for her wedding. It breaks my heart to think that God feels the need to call his children back so soon. At the same time, I know that we are meant to embrace life and become stronger through loss, because we are living for those who are gone. Next time you feel that you are upset, neglected, unloved, or that you do not have the standard of living that you desire, consider this: God walks with you down the trails of life. You will encounter so many different obstacles, including death. While you may want to worry about how your hair looks, or if you'll be able to buy the newest iPod, think about how you were blessed with this day. This moment. God showers you with the greatest gift of all every day: life.
To reconsider how I've been taking life forgranted, I've decided I'm going to take a few days out of a month. I'm going to put my hair up, let my natural beauty shine through, and forget whatever I'm stressed about. I'm blessed with each and every day. There are people I've lost who were called home. I want to live my life for them as well. I know they're watching me and walking with me.
Peace, Love, and God,
Sierra
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