Happiness At Last

I've been worried about everyone else's happiness so much that I let myself slip back into a bout of depression. I've been feeling miserable for a while. Any sad song can and will make me bawl my eyes out. I have been dwelling on the deaths of my friends, Erik and Kassie. I have been concerned with my friend, Nichol, who has been in and out of the hospital for some stomach issues. I have been thinking about how I have bills to pay that I can't afford. I have been feeling so much stress.

On top of that, I have had some relationship issues. I was confused as to who I wanted to be with out of two people. There was a beautiful girl that I was falling hard for. I was hoping that she would be attending my university, so I could see her frequently. She wasn't accepted to my school, and that suddenly made me question my relationship with her. I was also talking to a guy that I met through a friend. He was sweet, but we knew we weren't going to last with the distance. I was concerned about distance with Krys too. She was so sweet, but the distance would kill me with the depression I've been feeling.... and then I met Jeff.

My boyfriend, Jeff, is the most amazing guy I've ever met in my life. He makes me smile more than anyone I've ever met. There was a horrible snowstorm in Northwest Indiana, so I was snowed in with my boyfriend. I spent the night, snuggled in his arms. I fell asleep, but I was hardly asleep. I could hear and feel him move. He kept kissing my forehead and telling me I'm beautiful and adorable. He was running his hands through my hair. He finally got up and moved to the couch, which woke me up. I accidentally woke him up, and we kept dozing off, snuggling, watching TV, and being goofy. I don't think I can emphasize how amazing he is to me. I feel like a princess. I trust him with my heart and soul. We just started dating and the chemistry between us could destroy the world. He's... one in a million, and I love it. I feel blessed to know I have someone so amazing in my life. It makes me thankful I was a little selfish and I wanted to think of my happiness, instead of others.

I've been ignoring my blog for a few days, which makes me feel bad, but I was trying to make myself happy. Whenever you start to feel a little down, be selfish. Do what you want, because in the end, your happiness shouldn't be put at the bottom of your priorities. Doing what you want may just make you the happiest you've been in a long time.

Missing my teddy bear and eskimo kisses,
Sierra