I hate when I reach that point. If you've ever suffered from depression, you understand what point I'm talking about. That point where you feel your heart racing, not from excitement. You feel the tears welling in your eyes, and they won't come out. You feel your breathing shallow up because something is holding your chest and making it hard to breathe on your own. It's hard when I feel that need to cut. I already let Jeff down once this week. I don't want to ruin this anymore. I fucked up. I know damn well that I messed up, and I have to get ready to leave him for 2 weeks. I want to feel safe. I want to be able to trust myself with him and by myself. I want to feel comfort with the people I'm around and my family. I want to be able to talk to him when I'm feeling this way. So far, I just want a cigarette and to cry.
Trying not to break,
Sierra
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